Honestly

Time to be real, friends.

I freeze up every time I start writing a new post. I don’t know why. I’ve been a blogger for the past three years and I still can’t get past the scariness of an empty slate. This big white expanse waits for my words yet I don’t want to pour out my heart onto these keys and then be dissatisfied with the result. A little stupid, yes. I’ve always been a little timid. A little scared.

Why am I saying all of this? Because I want you to know that I’m not perfect. I feel like I portray myself here as a perfect Christian with an amazingly strong faith with an answer to everything. But that’s not me at all. When people look at me, they tell me that they see a confident young woman, with a smile on her face and the song of Jesus on her lips. They see sparkles and happiness abounding and joy overflowing.

Y’all. I cry in the shower entirely too often. I cover up my abundant acne scars with makeup, because I could never let the world see those flaws. I scream into pillows occasionally. I find myself jealous of others who seem to have it all together. Hear me when I say I am flawed. I am imperfect. I am, in every sense of the word, messy. 

I started this online journal as a place to pour out what God was currently teaching me and to encourage others along the way – a place where we could all grow together. But it hasn’t gone that way – instead of building up the Lord, I feel like I’ve built up myself. So this is an apology, I suppose. For not being real; I want to be real.

Sisters, if we’re ever going to get anywhere in life, we have to be honest. And right now, here I am. Honestly.

Honestly, I need Jesus every day of my life. I live by the words “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” but I tend to forget that last part. Christ is my strength. Christ is the giver of my life, Christ is the hope and joy and my entire reason to celebrate. Without Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I am nothing. I need Him when I’m standing there in the shower sobbing, and I STILL NEED HIM when I’m filled with confidence and happiness. I need Him at all times, at all places in my life.

I’m messy, oh yes. But God says I’m still beautiful in His eyes – and that’s what I want to live out. Humbly. I tend to forget daily the amazing grace given to me, the amazing love story that He is writing. Even when I doubt, even when I feel worthless, even when I mess up horribly and find myself crying in the shower (again), He’s still there. He’s always there. But I tend to forget how extraordinary He is, and how wonderful His plan is. I get so blinded by my own little plans, I forget who He is, what plans He has, and what He’s called me to do.

Ladies, this is a call to be real. To be honest. Let’s stop hiding behind fake identities and let’s realize who we are in Christ. Let’s realize that we need Him in every moment, let’s realize that we should live that out. Regardless of what people think.

This post is a little different – I know, it’s not my usual style. But I wanted to be honest with you all for a moment. I’m not perfect. I’m a mere sinner saved by amazing grace – and I want to live that out. My purpose should always be to build Him up and to glorify Him with all of my soul, with all of my life. Through my social medias. Through this blog. Through my actual, face-to-face conversations with people.

I hate being weak. I hate being broken. Dear sisters, I do ask for prayer. We all need prayer. Let’s build each other up in Christ. Let’s pray for each other. Let’s encourage each other. Let’s be real with each other. Let’s stop hiding behind fake identities and live fearlessly. Let’s realize who we are in Christ and humbly live that out with an unmatched fire.

Let’s live honestly.

Much love. And a hug.

Jessi

6 thoughts on “Honestly

  1. I love this jessi! Thank you for posting something so honest! Honestly I’ve been thinking about you recently and haven’t known what to do when I think about you I feel guilty that I haven’t texted you anything encouraging or called you like (so it feels) all month long! I don’t know if that’s necessarily bad, I just know I want to check in with you more often again. 🙂 I love you Jessi! Now anytime I think of you I’m going to try to remember to pray for you. 🙂 I hope we can catch up soon!
    Love you very much,
    Sincerely,
    Julia❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, you’re so sweet Julia! I’ve been doing the same, and I’m sorry for not contacting you more. But don’t you feel guilty! ❤ I understand you had a lot of family coming in, and all the usual holiday craziness. Maybe we can meet for coffee one day soon and talk over everything!
      Love you too Julia! And thanks so much for your prayers. 😊
      Much love,
      Jessi

      Like

  2. I’ve really been on a journey for authenticity lately as well. My family and I are visiting churches, trying to find a community where we can belong, but when I look around at the people in those churches, I realize I can’t fit anywhere because I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be like they do, and apparently when you’re a Christian you’re supposed to be flawless. I really want to be authentic in the way I present myself online — I haven’t quite figured it out yet, though. Maybe I will, one day.
    Wonderful post; thank you for sharing. =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this, Victoria! I’m also familiar with not fitting into a church. (My family and I, too, have been on a search for one for several years. In the meantime, we read devotionals and scriptures on Sundays together.) Know that there are no perfect Christians – we’re all in the process of growing, learning, failing, succeeding. I’ll be praying that you find a church where you are comfortable; and, that you discover boldness in Him. 😊 Be blessed, sister!
      Jessi

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  3. This reminds me of the song “If We’re Honest” by Francesca Battistelli. It’s one of my fav. songs about being real and authentic.
    Thank you for being real, and messy, and honest, and truthful. Life isn’t perfect- but our God is. He can make the messiest days of our life into something amazing.
    I’m trying to write more real and authentic on my blog as well.
    -Kadie http://www.realgirlservingarealgod.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

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